Is God listening? I have been struggling with a difficult issue that has brought me to tears. I have not been religious for more than two years. Meaning, I have ceased to pray, go to a religious institution, or read the Bible. I don’t even believe God interferes with everyday life. However, I am currently experiencing a high level of anxiety and sadness, to the point of crying out of desperation to God. I am actually doing what I have criticized and labeled as “irrational” and “self-centered.” Praying to God only when in need of something or out of despair.
Could it be that, because of my lack of faith and religious abandonment, that God is “teaching me” a lesson? Wouldn’t this mean that God is not merciful? Or could it be that God is helping me be closer to Him through this tribulation? Could there be another way to get closer to God instead of through suffering? Is this what finding the true God is about? I hope someone can give me some insight, since I am struggling with the idea of begging to God just because I wish circumstances to be different. I don’t want to feel that I am trying to “manipulate” God into allowing things to be my way. I have also prayed that, if it is not His will, to help me accept whatever happens. I have been writing in forums and sharing with other bloggers as well, in hopes to find some answers.
I just want to be fair and not pray out of convenience. But I fear that I may be talking to empty space. Don’t know for sure. I will try to keep an open mind and see if this difficult experience helps me to grow spiritually…. or not.
And if you want and believe so…. please pray for me as well. Thanks.