I spent this past weekend with my father after not seeing him for three years. It was definitely an unforgettable experience. It was a weekend full of love and happiness, but also sadness and regret. I was obviously happy because I got to see my father one more time before he departs this earth. I love my father dearly and I wish he continues to enjoy life as much as possible during his last years. But it was also a sad experience because I saw how deteriorating and frail my father has become. He now walks with a limp, and is extremely forgetful.
We went to the beach, to the park, and the old pharmacy where he used to work at. He saw a lot of old friends whom he has not seen for a while (he stays in his house most of the time). I visited several places where I grew up as a kid. We played pool together, visited my aunt, and ate a lot of tropical food. It was a neat experience. I returned home after spending the weekend with my father. It was a sad farewell.
This might have been the last time I see him on this earth. But I think I have learned to accept this possibility. In addition to this, my father expressed to me how regretful he is for divorcing my mother. We were sitting at his dinning room table and he softly said “I love you very much…” I don’t remember my father being so affectionate . He then added, “I also love your brothers ..” I responded by telling him I love him as well. Then he uttered the following words which will forever break my heart. He said: “I wish I had never divorced your mother.”
This was a great lesson for me. If I let my selfish nature dictate my life to the point of dividing my family through separation and divorce, I will regret it later in life. I am not saying that my parents were necessarily selfish, but they were definitely not happy in their marriage and decided to end their unhappy marriage with divorce. Maybe they should have never married in the first place, but they did and they faced the consequence of their decision. Maybe all of this was meant to be so that we can learn a lesson in this life. I don’t know for sure. All I know is that my father has reached a time in his life where he has concluded that he made a mistake, and he is paying the price today.
I don’t want to repeat the same mistake. I don’t want to make decisions in my life and regret them later. My hope is to remain close to my immediate family and to avoid breaking the bond that I have with them. But I understand that life is full of decisions that may or may not be the best ones. Who decides which decisions are good or not? How will I ever know the consequences of my decisions?