What is Nothing? My mind creates so much that it has been difficult to separate myself from the fabricated environment I live in. I must be something separate from the mind that creates all the surroundings that my five senses perceives and interprets. But what exactly is to be out of my mind? It is almost as divorcing from the self that I have identified with. It is abandoning who I think I have been. On a daily basis, I must take new, uncomfortable steps in order to start experiencing the real me. I must separate from what makes me feel safe, secured, and not vulnerable. It is scary, but it must be done.
For example, I have changed the way I perceive others by being less judgmental. I have changed my attitude about food and adopting a healthier diet. I have changed the way I approach life in general, by acting more simplistic and be content with the few. I have started to empty myself more and more to a point of desiring to be Nothing. Yes, you read it right. I want one day to be Nothing. No, I am not writing about ending my physical life as in suicide. I am talking about ending my life as in spiritual death. Dying so that I can live. And in order to die, I must become Nothing.
Isn’t this what the spiritual journey is all about? By becoming Nothing, I can actually become something new. Isn’t this what the concept of God is all about? Isn’t it true that in order to experience God, I must first empty myself from selfish agendas… divorce myself from myself? Isn’t it true that in order to meet God, I must first separate myself from all the fullness that this world and that my five senses have perceived as necessary? Isn’t it true that I must be Nothing so that I can be something? Maybe by being Nothing, I am already experiencing God. Maybe I must stop wishing to be something different, and simply be Nothing.
What about God? The concept of God is too transcendent and great for my limited mind to comprehend. It is inconceivable. Like the idea of Nothingness is inconceivable. Can you perceive being nothing? Can you grasp the notion of being before existence? I cannot. What would it be like to be nothing? Maybe God knows… or maybe the path towards God is through Nothingness.
Can you perceive God? I cannot, the same way I cannot perceive Nothingness. If God is experienced through Nothingness then His existence is not the same as my existence, because I exist because I was created, I am something. God is beyond what I can ever comprehend. This is why, the closest notion of God I can possibly have in my limited mind is the concept of Nothingness.
Peace. Calm. Serenity. Surrendering. These concepts bring me closer to God. Closer to Nothingness.
At the same time, I have understood that God is love, or we can experience a glimpse of God when we practice genuine and selfless caring for others. Still, this definition of Love requires emptying myself… creating space in me…. so that I am able to reach out and help others selflessly.
It requires sacrifice. It involves denying my self. It requires leaning towards Nothingness.
The closer I get to Nothingness, the closer I get to God.
Therefore, I am becoming Nothing.