Monthly Archives: December 2011

Patience…. Peace…. Presence

I am deciding to let go.   Still waiting to be enlightened.  Proclaiming harmony and pacifism.  The here and now of today is all I have.

While doing yoga (which I have been wanting to do for a while), what came to my mind were these three words: patience… peace… presence.  Patience to be able to wait for Heaven to come to me.  Peace in order to maintain solemnity and thus clarity in my mind.  Presence to be able to remain in the here and now, which brings me closer to Truth, to Heaven, to God.  Presence can be reached only by separating from the worries about the future and regrets about the past, which is peace.  Peace can be experienced by maintaining hope and waiting, which is patience.  I know this is an idealistic and transcendent description, so let me use a more practical, everyday scenario.

I am currently on vacation until New Years Day.  I may dedicate this time to choose to complain about every little unfortunate thing that happens to me (lost keys, dirty dishes, wife’s surgical knee, sick kids, etc.) or I may take a deep breath, embrace the suffering, and claim patience.  I can choose to fight every battle with my kids, complain about the weather, criticize others, or I can claim peace and trust that life may continue and appreciate it the best way I can.  I can dedicate this time to continue to worry about when work starts again, paying the bills, my family’s issues, and other life’s worries and regrets, or I can decide to give it away and focus on what is happening right now. I may choose to be bitter, or I may decide to be joyful.

I cannot reach Heaven.  Heaven will come to me.  So my next step will be to wait.  I will dedicate these few days to meditate, reflect, pray, and take a lot of deep breaths.  I will try to connect more with nature, slow down, and embrace others more.  I must be more  inclusive, flexible, and tolerant.   The patience that I must have will be better than trying to expedite the Kingdom of Heaven to be manifested with my own strengths.  The peace that I need to have is different from the peace that this world thinks it can provide. The presence I am hoping for is the unifying experience with the here and now, the everlasting God.

In order to live the Kingdom of Heaven, I think I have to have patience, experience peace, and be Present with God.

I thank my fellow blogging friends for giving me inspiration and advice on my spiritual journey.  You know who you are.  God bless.


Wanting to Live

I am fed up.  Not happy with myself.  Sick and tired of this life.   No, I am not suicidal.  Nor am I trying to get pity.    This is not an inspirational, uplifting post, nor a New Year’s resolution post either.  It is simply an expression of what I want…what I need.  A new beginning.  A new life.  But I cannot simply start a new life, unless I end the current life.  I have been wanting to start fresh, which I think is part of my spiritual growth.  But it has been harder than I thought. This blog has been a tremendous tool to express this belief.  But my life is something different.  Something that must die for the new to begin.

I am exhausted with the mundane, predictable way of life.  I know (or I think I know) what this life is about, but I am unable to manifest it. The routine keeps me from starting over again.  What life do I want to start? The only true life which I call Kingdom of Heaven.  I strongly believe in surrendering, simplifying, and serving. But it has been difficult. I have been feeling anxious, worried, and taking care of my own selfish agenda instead.  I am sick of it!

I want to be peaceful, generous,  gentle, patient, and grateful.  The latter trait, grateful, is what I really long for.  I would like to be able to say “Thank you” more and less “Why me?”.   I would like to think that this is just a step closer to the peace I long for, instead of just a mundane and purposeless life.  I have thought that maybe I should be completely neutral, and regard this life as “it is what it is”.  But this would be denying the beauty of life, the transcendent aspect of life,  which I know exists, but I have trouble grasping

I can’t think of life as simply a neutral  state of existence.  I believe there is more, but the routine and troubles of life makes it hard to look beyond what my eyes can see.  I tried religion for more than 35 years, it hasn’t worked.  Forcing myself to get congregated in a structured  community that is based on a rigid, exclusive, and manipulative doctrine does not give me the peace and resolution that I long for.  I long for a more inclusive and flexible approach.  I tried socializing more, I am  simply not a social person.  There is so much socializing that I can do before I start feeling  awkward and out of place. The only interaction that I can appreciate and feel comfortable with is blogging.  I have started to try yoga, but the routine does not let me be more consistent.  I also like to do art, which helps me to express myself more. But again, the routine blocks me.  I strongly dislike my current life!

Maybe this experience is normal.  Maybe everyone goes through this some point in their lives.  Don’t know if I should refer this stage in life as “mid life crisis” or simply some “spiritual crisis”, but I am at a point in life where I would like to go away and start fresh.    I am refering to a change of life that I wish I could do in an instant.  I recognize this is childish and wishful thinking.  But it is how I feel right now.  Maybe moving to a different town, closer to the coast.  Yes, that would be refreshing.  And working at a job where I can concentrate on things I enjoy the most (art, charity, counseling). But at the same time, I must acknowledge where I am right now, and be responsible enough to take care of things. I also believe this life is not all there is.  There must be something more…but, what is this “more”?

Thank you for reading.  I may continue in my next post…  Suggestions are welcomed, but not expected.  See you later.

Church versus Jesus: Which one should I listen?

Church says I am a sinner, Jesus says I am the light of the world.
Church says we should pay 10% to “God”, Jesus says “sell everything you have and give it to the poor”
Church says the world needs a Savior, Jesus says we need to love each other.
Church says I should support capital punishment , Jesus says I should forgive 70 x 7.
Church says I should pray the sinner’s prayer, Jesus taught me the Lord’s prayer.
Church says I need to congregate, Jesus says I need to go to the ends of the earth.
Church says I should vote conservative, Jesus fought the status quo.
Church says homosexuals are immoral, Jesus warned about throwing the first stone.
Church says every other faith is wrong, Jesus says blessed are the poor in spirit.

Church says we should convert others, Jesus says we should serve others.

Church says we should support the military, Jesus says “blessed are the peace makers”.

Church says I should follow its doctrine, Jesus says I should follow Him.

Church says that smoking, piercing, and having tatoos are sinful, Jesus says that the impurities come from within.

Church says that I should be proud of my country, Jesus says “blessed are the meek”.

Church says Jesus is God, Jesus says “Why do you call me good, only God is good”