I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even feel strong. I have gone through some tribulations recently which have really tested my faith and strengths. I have not prayed a lot, at least not in the traditional way. But I have teared up and reflected on the difficult circumstances where I am at the moment. Seeing a loved one suffer is very consuming. To be more specific, my wife has just gone into surgery, and the recovery has been exhausting. Seeing her in this condition takes a lot from me. It helps me to reflect profoundly about Life. It encourages me to appreciate what I do have, and remember to value what I often take for granted. In the midst of this difficult time, many friends and family members have demonstrated true care and concern. I doubted many times that this kind of love from fellow humans even existed. They have shown me true love; a piece of heaven. Life as it should be.
But I go back to the routine, I return to living the “normal life”, and I am then reminded again of the selfish, arrogant, greedy, cold world we live in. This is truly an evil world. How do I come up with this bold conclusion? Having a clear distinction between evil and its opposite (good) is essential. Good is to empty ourselves from preconceived ideas, bias, religion, discrimination, and other traits that we use to maintain selfish, rigid lifestyles. This is the first step. The second step is to then reach out and put the other’s needs as equal as our own. Good is to perceive others as equal, no matter how different. Good is to forgive, volunteer, share, sacrifice, and accept others, always in joy and not expecting a reward. Good is simply everything that truly unites us. This is the same as the definition of Love. How often does this really happen? I mean, really happen? Rarely.
Now, evil is the easy part. Evil is to simply think about my own needs, ambitions, goals, and desires, above everyone else’s. It is to think about my own plans first. Evil is to believe and live as if we own this world, or worst, as if we own each other. Evil is to walk an extra mile to obtain someone else’s goods and profits. Evil is to submit to the natural tendencies to feed our selfish desires. Evil is simply everything we do that isolates us. How often does this happen? All the time. Do I sound extreme? Well, I can accept that.
So this world is truly evil. I don’t think I have to use specific examples about this fact. This is probably why Christians call it the “fallen world”, and Hindus call it “an illusion.” But the moments that I experience while my wife recovers give me a glimpse of what good is all about. It humbles me to the point of recognizing how finite I truly am. It reminds me of how little I know about life and how fragile life truly is. And then I think about how absurd it is to be born, grow up, learn so much, and to finally die. We simply die, cease to exist. Or do we? There’s got to be something else. There’s got to be continuation of growth and learning. I still feel there is a lot to learn, but I am not sure if my physical body can withstand all the years it takes to learn all there is to know. At least I am sure that, in the past couple of years, I have learned that Life is about giving, about serving, about emptying ourselves and simplifying our lives so that we can continue to serve. Life is about uniting with others in peace and acceptance. I don’t own anything. I am as insignificant as a grain of salt. Yet, I am important enough to have friends and family call me and ask me how my wife is doing. Weird, but true. And if this is supposed to make me feel stronger, I don’t feel it yet. However, I am still hopeful this will give me some strengths for the future.
Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read my rambling writing and venting. I just needed to get all of this out of my chest and into the keyboard. Good night.