I Hate my Family

brokenfamilyWho is my family? What is my country? What is my ethnicity? What is my religion?  Where do I belong?  In the past, I have been taught that my family are those who are my biological relatives.  Not anymore.  I don’t know those people.  My new family are those who willingly spend time with me and who share the same goal of serving the poor.  I was taught that my country is where I was born.  I no longer consider this true.  My country, my land, is wherever I can peacefully  settle and live with others in spite of different backgrounds. I was also taught that my ethnicity is determined by the culture  where I was raised, my first language, and the color of my skin.  I reject that.  I don’t belong to any ethnicity, I am just human wanting to serve other humans.  I was also told that my religion should be Catholic, then Pentecostal, and then non denominational Christian.  I am neither of these now.  I am a man who continues to doubt but continues to reflect on who God is and what He wants me to do in this life.    I hate those who the world consider my family because they keep me bound to traditions and customs that keep me away from genuinely serving others.  I refuse to consider where I was born my country, because I don’t live there anymore.  My country is wherever I can do what I so strongly feel like doing.  I reject belonging to any ethnicity, because my citizenship belongs to where my heart wants to live and I am able to serve others.  I don’t have a religion, because my faith is based on being poor in heart, accepting my weaknesses, being meek, and  a peacemaker, fighting for righteousness, having a clean heart,  loving my neighbor as I love myself, not on a distant God or set of religious doctrines.

You think these are harsh words?  Well, this is what is required to fully live the Kingdom of Heaven as written in Matthew 10:37-38 (“if you love your parents more than Me, you are not worthy of me”), Matthew 12:46-50 (“he who does God’s will is My family”), Matthew 7:21 (“not everyone who says ‘Lord, Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven”), Phillipians 3:20 (“our citizenship is in heaven”), John 8:43-44 (“”why is my language not clear to you?  Because you don’t hear me.  You belong to your father the devil!”) and James 4:4 (“don’t you know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?”).  I learned that if I am going to truly live the Kingdom of Heaven, I must separate  myself from all the traditional views about who I am and where I belong that this world teaches me.


About Noel

I am a person who has realized that the teachings of Jesus are centralized in the genuine care and service of others. I have evolved from fundamentalism to a moderate spiritual approach. I am a reflecting person who has grown to not fear doubt but to embrace it as a means to growth and increasing closeness to God. View all posts by Noel

10 responses to “I Hate my Family

  • The Random Thinker

    I am an atheist who most recently started to question my way of life. I struggle hard to define and understand faith, even though I want so badly to do so. I have tried to seek guidance in the many different religious scriptures from Christianity to Taoism. I am just in this constant struggle between trying to find faith which is in direct battle with my atheist beliefs. Sometimes I seek guidance and spiritual knowledge through reading others blogs. I will continue my journey to find where I belong, but I just wanted to thank you for your post.

  • Cindy Holman

    Great article Noel! I’m going to share this – I agree!

  • Cindy Holman

    By the way – I’m on facebook and shared this on my wall for my friends to see. If you’re on facebook – add me!

  • Carol Ann Hoel

    I am assuming that your family tries to manipulate you and force you to leave your faith. How sad. In some lands Christians are denounced and disowned by their families for their faith in Christ. Hate what they do, but love them. Pray for them. Blessings to you, Noel…

  • Edwin G Delgado-Delgado

    That is what you really think? That is what you really are? That is what you really wants people think we were?

    Then I just say ….. I am really sorry for you … Go ahead and do what you seems you are capable of …..

  • Marianne Lordi

    Hi Noel, I can see that you are always thinking. Just a little wisdom here if I may say something. Don’t hate your family. The family that God put you in should be your first mission field. Remember that God is the one who determined where, when and to what family you would be born and he did this long before the foundation of the world. To be effective in ministry, start first with your unsaved family. God bless you, Noel!

    • Noel

      Thank you for your comments. I take it that my post can be misleading. Like I explained to a previous commentator , the “hate” that I used in my post referred to their way of life. I was actually using Jesus’s words when he stressed on the importance of living the Gospel, even to the point of avoiding family if necessary (“If you love your family more than Me,your are not worthy of Me”). Putting family’s tradition before the Gospel is what I hate. And by the way, I have tried to talk to them about my faith, and now I’m letting go and letting God. Note that I also talked about ethnicity, religion, and nationalism. If I put any of these before God, then I am not “worthy”.

  • Marianne Lordi

    I know what you are saying, Noel, I guess I was just making the point that Jesus never meant for us to “hate” anyone. In fact,quite the contrary, we are to love everyone including those who do us wrong. Now I understand that you know that and I am not chiding you for your message because the point is well taken. We both know to hate the world is to love God above all persons, places and things. Nothing and no one is to come before God. I just think that sometimes people will misundestand us if we say we hate our family, even though that is not what you meant.

    As far as your unsaved family goes, sometimes you need to step back from saying anything to them. If you go out of your way to avoid them, that may send a bad message. Your example and your prayers are all you can do. Of course, that is also the biggest thing you can do. I believe that is what you are doing. Of course, in every unsaved family, there are those who will give us friction for our faith. Continue in your walk and leave them to God. I have been there too, Noel.

  • thistlesandweeds

    This is a great essay. As an atheist leaning agnostic, I can relate to the idea of a embracing doubt as a means of understanding. Socrates said that the wisest man is the one that admits his own ignorance. I believe it was Miguel de Unamano that said faith that doesn’t doubt is dead faith. Honest faith that comes from investigation is beautiful.

  • K Zhang

    This post really stood out. I’m not from where I am either. I feel the weight of the traditional family values on me. It is certainly difficult to be the first Christian in my entire family (which consists of more than 50 people). But I see the different culture and different values as part of my story. I know that God has placed me where I am for a reason. I hope that I can love those around me and lead them to Christ. Thanks for addressing this issue.

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