Sometimes I feel questioning whether or not to acknowledge my feelings or simply ignore them. What I mean is, I know that I have a generally easy life, but at the same time I think of the complexity of some aspects of my life. Am I going to ever see my father again? Am I going to keep my job? Is our house going into foreclosure? Is my physically challenged brother ever going to experience independence? All of these questions tend to make me feel sluggish and disillusioned with life. How are we ever going to be debt free? It’s basically one problem after another. But at the same time, I remember all the suffering that really happens in the world, such as the people starving in Haiti, the political violence in Egypt, the senseless war in Afghanistan, and then I reflect on my own self pity and think to myself “Well, I better suck it up, because there are people out there who are really messed up!”. So, I question myself sometimes how much emotional ordeal should I really experience considering the more serious suffering that occurs elsewhere in the world. And also, shouldn’t I stop seeing situations as “problems” and start seeing them as “challenges” instead, so that I can feel more motivate to overcome them? I think that my inclination is to give up all the self pity and start doing things for others. I think that I prefer to not contemplate on my own “challenges” so much because doing so is the same as being selfish, considering the real suffering that occurs out there. Yes, I think that my focus should be on others, more on what I “suffer”. And I understand that I should love and take care of myself before being able to do the same for others, but I think I take care of myself automatically anyways. So when I get up in the morning , I want to have a refreshing perspective and think about how I can be a blessing for others, pray for those who are starving and hiding from terrorists, and continue my walk. If I don’t feel like smiling, oh well! I will then remind myself to suck it up and keep walking. This is my latest attitude. Thank you for reading.
January 31, 2011
To Feel or Not to Feel?