Stressed about Stress

This post might be a little different from the others that I have written so far. Or it might relate to the main theme of this blog.    Anyhow, here it goes.   Stress has been my companion for a long time. Since I have been a young child, I have suffered from stress. For example, when attending first day of every school year, I would not hold my breakfast for long and then use the bathroom several times before stepping out of the house.  I would try to take deep breaths, but could not maintain it. I would then go hungry until lunch.   As a young adult, my stress was usually reflected in anger outbursts, and still does.   I am currently a middle aged person who continues to struggle with this dilemma. But what is different now is that other symptoms have been manifested, such as twitching my fingers, racing thoughts, and pacing.   It really gets on my nerves how much this stress really dictates me. I have read and understood about the importance of relaxing. A book I recently read talks about the importance of remaining in the here and now, instead of focusing so much on the past and future. I think this is the key; thinking too much about the past can trigger resentment and depression. Thinking too much about the future can create anxiety. I have recently started to do some yoga and meditation to help me stay in the present. But something is still missing. I also remember what Jesus taught us about not worrying about what we will eat or wear. Jesus emphasized that God takes care of us, so that we can take care of the Kingdom of Heaven and its righteousness. This is what I should be worrying about, not what happened in my past or what might happen in the future. But it is difficult. It becomes almost like my personal enemy. It has actually come between me and my family. I sometimes become too stressed and then lash out at those who do not deserve it.    I must stop being a victim.  It is almost like a part of my personality, but I don’t like it because it makes me someone I don’t want to be.  It keeps me from living the Kingdom of Heaven.  Maybe this is what Paul also referred to when he spoke about the evil that dwells in him.  He stated that the evil that he does not want, is exactly what he does.  “⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it”  (Romans 7 :19-20)   However, I still believe that I need to take responsibility for what I do.  And while writing these lines, I am reminded that the first thing I should do is to LET GO.   It sounds simple, but it is not.  Some people call it enlightenment.  Others call is inspiration.  Whatever I may call it, it is something necessary for me to finally start freeing myself from this stress that consumes me.  In Psalm 46: 10 God says “Be still and know that I am God…” and this is what I have tried to do.  Like doing exercise to build my physical strength, I guess I must continue to practice relaxation and pray to God to help me “be still” and remind myself that He is taking care of things.  Stressing out is not going to solve anything, except do more harm.  I shall continue to try to Let Go.